Tag Archives: Ben

Only a memory.

29 Aug

I remember feeling like this a year ago. I remember meeting Ben in person for the very first time and feeling like I literally waited my entire life to meet him. It was as if we’d always been together in each life that we’ve lived and this was just us continuing with that cycle. I’ll never ever forget that very first time I pulled him into my arms and burying my face into his chess, slowly taking in his scent and memorizing it to keep forever, “I could get used to this,” I thought to myself. And I did get used to it and it never got old. Never.

Now that A+ lyrical essay I’d written all about our obsessive love for each other is filed away in a folder with the rest of my A+ stories, only to collect dust and turn into nothing but a memory. All that’s left of what we had is the memories. The two cross country road trips. That afternoon on the beach in Venice, California with the sun pounding down on us and the wind ferociously whipping around like it was going to knock us over. Our innovative Thanksgiving where we served everything but turkey. Yes, it was all sides…..because that’s all that really matters. The countless hours spent on Skype, even leaving it on while we slept so we could feel closer, are just a memory. Everything we had is only just that: a memory.

What the fuck happened to my right man?

What happened to my relationship?

What happened to my picture-perfect life?

Ugh.