Tag Archives: Acts of Kindness

Needing a break.

25 May

There has been so much going on over the past few weeks that I wonder when will I ever get a break?

Yeah, I know such is life but let’s be serious–there comes a point in time when you really just need a break.

Until recently, I kept telling myself that things were going to get better and that I was just going through a rough patch. Then I realized that several months had flown by right before my eyes and that nothing has improved but has actually gotten worse, to the point where just getting out of bed, getting a shower, and doing simple every-day tasks was getting to be just about all I could do. I’ve never been the sit-around time, lacking motivation, and just letting things crumble around me but the last 5 months have been exactly that, and then it dawned on me: I was depressed.

I’ve been in college now for 7 years (yes, that’s forever) studying to become a psychologist (relationship therapist/marriage counselor) so I knew all of the tell-tale signs for depression and similar disorders, but I’d always been one of those people who knew that it existed but didn’t believe it could ever happen to me. Slowly but surely I put the pieces of the puzzle together and admitted to myself (and to my mother & Ben) that I was, in fact, depressed.

My entire life has changed so drastically over the course of the last 5 months and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I had to move home from Arizona, which was very hard on me, I had to worry about my mother and whether or not she was going to ever get better, my closest girlfriends cut me off when I needed them most (one of them even acted so hypocritical that it shocked my entire family), and to top it off, my one last staple to Arizona, my amazingly beautiful prissy Siamese cat, Peaches Honey Blossom, unexpectedly passed away. She literally was the very center of my world and the connection I had with her was something I had looked for my entire life and then she was gone. My perfect life literally shattered right before my eyes and there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop it.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Since I realized what exactly was going on with me, through talking with my mother, Ben, and my doctor, I’ve been diligently working towards getting back to where I want to be. The doctor prescribed me Prozac (which I have yet to take) and I’ve come up with a simple structured plan to get my life back on track. I’ve always been well organized, efficient, and motivated to get things done, but now I have to be even more organized, efficient, and motivated because I know living a life like this, all depressed and wasting away, is not the kind I want to nor will I ever live.

I’m thankful for having such a loving family and boyfriend, and of course very thankful for those few friends who have stayed true to me and supported me during all of this (I just wish they all lived closer). Yes, I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and good health, which also things I’m very thankful for. However, I’m not your basic-run-of-the-mill kind of girl either, so improving all of those things is all apart of my master plan.

The biggest issue is finding a job. I’m not used to having to put so much effort into finding a job at all, though I’m not naive to the current status of our economy and lack of job opportunities. Even in Arizona I had a lot of trouble, which is partly why I moved home in the first place. With the help and encouragement from my mom, I’ve been out and about applying to places and following up, and including my resume. I’ve changed my job-seeking strategy as well, which has given me more confidence but I still haven’t had any offers yet.

The rejection is also an issue even though I can handle it, I suppose it’s the constant let down of not being hired somewhere when I know I’m more than qualified. Take a serving/waitress job for example. I have 7 years of high-volume serving experience under my belt, with wine knowledge to boot. I work very well under pressure, I can time-manage with ease, and multi-tasking is a no-brainer. Plus, I’m very personable and attentive, which combined the previous really makes a great server.

Interviewing is even easy for me but it seems like interviews are kind of a joke anymore, and I say this because it’s all about who you know anymore. All that can be determined from an interview for a server is personality. The person conducting the interview has no idea if I’m actually as good at multi-tasking as I verbalize and have written on the application. So how else can I possibly demonstrate my skill so that I’ll have a better chance at getting hired? I’ve went all out with interviews before, always dressing the part, having the right posture (but too perfect), speaking in an articulate fashion, and showing the appropriate facial expressions, and so on and so forth, but like I said–none of these attributes are yielding any offers.

So what am I supposed to do? “Hang in there…” as people say? At times, I’d like to just be firm and a little more than assertive with the interviewer by getting up and just walking up to a table and start doing the job, yet this probably won’t get me job. So for now all I can is continue to utilize my new strategy and hopefully something will come my way soon.

Hitting rock bottom really sucks, but it also has it’s perks.

J.K. Rowling spoke about the fringe benefits of failure at Harvard’s commencement ceremony in 2008 and everything she said was so true. You’ll have to take my word for it or watch the video to hear it for yourself, but I know that even though everything that can possibly go wrong right now (and it has, believe me) will only make me stronger. Anytime I’ve hit a low point in my life I’ve always come out on top, bigger and better than ever, because hitting rock bottom forces you to reevaluate every aspect of your self and your life. Although so many bad things have come my way, I have to stop and remember that there have been a lot of smaller good things that have come my way which are slowly paving the way towards my future.

With all of that being said, I think it’s time to get back to work. And by work I mean updating my Etsy shoppe.