Only a memory.

29 Aug

I remember feeling like this a year ago. I remember meeting Ben in person for the very first time and feeling like I literally waited my entire life to meet him. It was as if we’d always been together in each life that we’ve lived and this was just us continuing with that cycle. I’ll never ever forget that very first time I pulled him into my arms and burying my face into his chess, slowly taking in his scent and memorizing it to keep forever, “I could get used to this,” I thought to myself. And I did get used to it and it never got old. Never.

Now that A+ lyrical essay I’d written all about our obsessive love for each other is filed away in a folder with the rest of my A+ stories, only to collect dust and turn into nothing but a memory. All that’s left of what we had is the memories. The two cross country road trips. That afternoon on the beach in Venice, California with the sun pounding down on us and the wind ferociously whipping around like it was going to knock us over. Our innovative Thanksgiving where we served everything but turkey. Yes, it was all sides…..because that’s all that really matters. The countless hours spent on Skype, even leaving it on while we slept so we could feel closer, are just a memory. Everything we had is only just that: a memory.

What the fuck happened to my right man?

What happened to my relationship?

What happened to my picture-perfect life?

Ugh.

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3 Responses to “Only a memory.”

  1. Michael August 30, 2010 at 4:59 pm #

    *sigh* I don’t know. I feel partially responsible in a way because I encouraged you to be with him and to give him a second chance after the first debacle. I apologize sincerely for whatever role I might have played.

    • Lauren Dickson August 30, 2010 at 6:25 pm #

      Please don’t feel responsible. Everyone gave me different advice and like I usually do, I tried to combine all of it in a way that would work best. What it boils down to is that….well, I’ll email you about that part. Thank you so much for your concern, it means the world to me.

    • Ben August 31, 2010 at 7:01 pm #

      How can you consider a guy like this to be a friend? He emails you every 2 months, and thinks that whatever detached and typical advice he gave you played a part in what happened? All he knows about it is what you told him, and he’s presumptuous enough to suggest that his fairweather friendship played a role. His main concern is feeling like he’s somehow an important part of your life, while maintaining the bare minimum of effort, based on your feedback that suggests his banal advice somehow “means the world.” Save your sighs.

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