Dirty, Smelly Vaginas And A Blind Girl Who Can See

21 Feb

Okay, so it’s 5:07pm on Thursday evening. I’m supposed to be in class by 5 and I’m running late (as usual) and I’m out of cigarettes and I haven’t had one in ohhh say like 5 hours, so needless to say I’m fucking miserable and craving.

I walk into Wawa prepared with cash and ID in hand, stand in the ridiculously long line, and wait. When its my turn I tell the girl behind the counter, who had one hell of an attitude, that I’d like “a pack of Camel No. 9 Menthol, the green and black one.” She asked if I had ID so I hand it to her and she looks at it for all of 3 seconds and asks “where the date at?”

Wait, “what?!” My brain immediately goes into I-don’t-speak-your-retarded-language-mode. So I looked at this girl with certainty that I wanted to reach across the bloody counter and slap her into next week for being so fucking stupid! I mean, she had two functioning fucking eyes on the front of her head and she definitely knew how to give dirty looks with them so I know she wasn’t blind by any means.

The thing is, I have an Arizona license but that has never stopped anyone else in any other state that required an ID to purchase something. Like, what the fuck is wrong with people that they can’t use their own two eyes and actually look for the date? I gave the guy standing behind me in line a look of disgust which he returned with an amused laugh. It just doesn’t make sense to me how any establishment can hire such moronic fucking people?

After class was a completely different story. It’s a once-a-week three hour long class but only ever runs for a little over two hours. When class finished I stopped by the bathroom on my way out to my car and of course all the stalls were occupied so I’m left waiting with a bladder that’s ready to burst. It’s time like these when I wish I could throw a tantrum in public like little kids do and then I remember that I’m 25 and throwing a tantrum should be at least saved for more appropriate places, like Walmart, the hick bar down the street, and game night.

Once it was my turn and I was into the stall I was nearly knocked the fuck out by a putrid smell. I’m talking like holy-fucking-shit-what-the-fuck-died-in-here kind of smell. Then I realized–as I was pulling out my mini bottle of Bath & Body Works Twilight Woods body spray–that it was definitely from the girl who sits behind me in class, who just so happened to be in the stall before me. Though before I could continue to do anything else, I sprayed the bottle like over nine-thousand times until the smell of the previous occupants dirty vagina has somewhat dissipated.

The problem with this situation is that no girl should ever have a dirty smelling vagina like that! I mean, don’t girls realize that that is not attractive in anyway?! Don’t they notice that something isn’t right down there when they are peeing or naked or something? Personal hygiene is extremely important, especially down below, so let me make this clear when I say that I don’t like using public restrooms ever for this reason.

And so, to all of the girls out there with dirty smelling vaginas: puh-lease invest in wet ones and at the very least clean it once a day. Or spray the stall after you’re finished so the next person doesn’t go into some kind of irreversible  shock because your crotch smells like the dead fucking sea! K, thanks.


3 Responses to “Dirty, Smelly Vaginas And A Blind Girl Who Can See”

  1. benarcher February 21, 2010 at 8:24 pm #

    Yeah, that’s pretty disgusting. And as far as the chick from Wawa, you could’ve easily gotten her reprimanded. Wawa takes that stuff very serious, and there’s always a manager on duty. The manager answers to John Sharpless, who I know for a fact would never tolerate that. Wawa is constantly inspecting its own stores, particularly on customer service.

    “Where the date at?” Like you showed her a “where’s Waldo?” picture or something…

    • Lauren Dickson February 21, 2010 at 8:37 pm #

      LOL, yeah she just acted like such a fucking idiot that I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’m considering sending that Wawa an email to complain.

    • Britty Stardust February 22, 2010 at 6:29 am #

      Waldo is my nigga.

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