Top-Five: Reasons why you shouldn’t lie to yourself.

22 Dec

After posting “Reason #27 why I’m glad I moved to Arizona: I don’t have to ever dig my car out of the snow ever again.” as my Facebook status yesterday, I received a variety of comments from friends back home on the east coast — where everyone has been snowed in for the last few days.

One comment in particular got to me:  It’s not as bad as you think. Like Kevin McCallister said, “Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?”

While I was kind of annoyed by comment, several others came in including one from a girl I knew back home who resides here in Arizona with her husband.

She said: “I do like the warm weather in AZ but I also enjoy coming home to PA/NJ and seeing the snow and all the Christmas lights. I noticed not as many people put up lights in AZ 😦 About 3 houses on our street in AZ have lights up and here in NJ, almost every house has lights. For me, it feels more like Christmas here in NJ.”

Than it kind of dawned on me, these people must be lying to themselves! While I do fully respect people and their entitled opinions, I can’t help but make a decision about people like them because not only do I know them personally, but its quite easy for anyone to see right through their surface, ultra conservative misery that they call a life.

Most people were very supportive of my decision to just up and move to Arizona. But of course they we’re some that were angry, which I believe is jealousy, and then those who just cut me off because they felt like I was being a traitor. What am I being traitor to though? Who or what am I going against? My family? My friends? My college?

No, it’s definitely not a matter of turning Benedict Arnold on New Jersey, it’s about listening to my inner most desires. I’m not the caged bird type. I’m a free spirit who needs to explore, learn, and experience life outside the tiny box I grew up in.

So why do I believe that these girls are lying to themselves? Simple. They are so attached to their families (which is not a bad thing) that they really have no true sense of self. They never listen to their inner most desires, their hopes, their dreams…they just live the life their parents want for them.

Now, I know that there is ample room for human error in this speculation, but I’m attempting to be objective. These two woman are fabulous people (contradictory not) but they’re comments sparked something for me: I hate when people lie to themselves. Which is what I’d like to cover in this week’s Top Five.

1. Denial is like wearing a backpack full of cinder blocks.

It slows you down. It turns you into a sluggish snail creeping along the path of life at a less than barely moving pace and never does anything to help you in the future. I’m not saying to speed through life, which is something I despise, but I am saying that you can’t let your inner most desires to go unnoticed.

2. It prolongs your future goals.

Remember when you were a little kid and you told your parents that you wanted to be a Scientist when you grew up? But then life happens, years fly by, and suddenly your in some kind of denial induced rut. What next? If things happen to cause an unplanned turn in your life’s path, as it normally does, why on earth would you not continue onward to that original goal?

Just because you flunked out of college for partying too hard during your freshman year doesn’t mean that your doomed to be a collegiate failure, living at your parents house, and working at the local supermarket. It means that you need to stop allowing life’s unfortunate events affect you in a negative way. You can always pick the pieces back up and start over. You can learn from your mistakes and try again. Plus, you can’t deny yourself of achieving your goals, which brings me to my next point.

3. Lying to yourself can cause boughs of depression.

If you let that freshman year stint gone wrong weigh you down, than you’re going to end up becoming depressed. Although I’ve never experience true period of depression, I know that during this time one can only continue to deny themselves of their goals, to continue to lie to themselves and say that ‘it was supposed to happen this way’ or ‘I’m just not cut out of college (or whatever it is that you experienced failure from)’. Maybe you’re just lazy and your making excuses for your situation, which is another form of lying to yourself.

During a bought of depression, one will undoubtedly waste a lot of time sulking in the misery of their failure or whatever it is that’s holding them back. A lot of money will also end up being wasted trying to make up for what has been lost otherwise. But really, your goal has never been lost, it’s just that you’re letting a bunch of dumb shit cloud your mind, thus causing a hazy vision of  the path towards your goal.

Don’t be depressed. Be proactive!

4. Your too proud to admit your faults.

The first step to solving a problem is admitting that there is one, right? Right. Well, if you’re too proud to admit that you’ve made a mistake or that you’re too afraid to leave the parental nest or whatever it is that is holding you back, than how in the hell are you ever going to have a truly fulfilling life? You’ve gotta swallow all the pride your choking on and get shit done.

5. Lying to yourself can lead to a lifetime of resentment.

Let’s fast forward to your 50th birthday party. Your now half a century old and honestly miserable. Your wife hates you. Your children barely speak to you. The mail man thinks your building a bomb in the basement. And let’s not forget your boss, who is 20 years your junior, who wonders why you even bother coming into the office at all anymore.

Why in the hell do all these people have a vendetta against you? Probably because your taking out your anger towards them for being the reason why you didn’t follow your dreams and achieve your goals. Instead you settled for a less-than-mediocre job at an accounting firm, where all you do is crunch numbers all day, everyday.

Your resenting the people who are closest to you for your lack of motivation. It’s all your wife’s fault because she forced you into a marriage right out of college and told you she wanted security and that accounting job at her uncles firm was the sure-fire way to go. In your mind, you didn’t want to rush into marriage let alone take that crummy job at Uncle Ted’s firm.

You wanted to be traveling photographer, sleeping in tents and hostels, and framing every crevice of beauty on this grand planet. Unfortunately you haven’t picked up a camera in 19 years and the arthritis in your bones is catching up with you. So what now?

Do you honestly want to end up living a miserable life, full of internal lies, and resenting the people love you most? Or do you want to live the life of your dreams? Full of excitement, chance taking, and challenging yourself in ways beyond what words can possibly convey.

Think about it.


11 Responses to “Top-Five: Reasons why you shouldn’t lie to yourself.”

  1. Whatami December 23, 2009 at 6:41 am #

    Granted, I don’t know the people whom you are criticizing in this post, but from the outside looking in, it looks like you and the offending friends are talking past each other. Are you putting people down for preferring to be in New Jersey simply because you don’t share that opinion? Lauren, everyone has their own preferences. Some people really are like Kevin McAllister. What’s wrong with that? If they really are being true to themselves and they would prefer to be in New Jersey as opposed to anywhere else (and it is possible), why criticize so sharply? People’s dreams are as varied as people! As the song goes, “It takes all kinds of people to make the world go ’round.”

  2. Britty Stardust December 23, 2009 at 7:21 am #

    I was going to comment back to some people on your Facebook status, but I didn’t know if I would spark any bullshit drama.

    SO! I’m going to comment here.

    Climate doesn’t make Christmas. Decorations don’t make Christmas. Yourself, your family, your friends, love, and kindness make Christmas. Home IS where the heart is so why can’t people make Christmas through that notion?

    Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but they made Christmas out to be a postcard. I think as long as you’re with your family, as long as YOU are happy, then you can have Christmas where ever you want.

    Shit people!

  3. Erin January 5, 2010 at 6:29 am #

    I was watching House and he said a great line. It had to deal with a girl who was trying to find her birth parents in China, then she gets sick and the House stuff ensues. Basically they found out that she was supposed to be killed because the parents couldn’t keep a girl via the law in China so they stuck pins in her baby head and she was supposed to have died. But she didn’t and the pins were there her whole life. So House says, “we’re all screwed up by our parents…she just has the proof.” I think he is right. Our families do dictate how we live our lives if we let them. My mom became a nurse because her parents told her to. Maybe for some people it is just easier to go with the flow then step out of the flow and stand on your own. I can’t do that. I went to a college that no one else from my HS went to because I wanted to do my own thing and not be in grade 13. Then I moved 3 hours away because I wanted to follow a goal. No it sure as hell wasn’t easy and there are days when I wish I had just stayed at home, but then I think, what would I be doing? I’d be miserable because for me that is not something I want to be doing…living in the same home town doing the same things as everyone else. Maybe those people that do what their parents ask and don’t really live for themselves are in denial…but I like to think that the people who do break away are just stronger. I know for a fact I’m stronger for moving away and doing things on my own, and I’m sure you’re the same way. So let’s clink our glasses to the few of us who are the trail blazers and broke away!

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