Top-Five: Reasons to not care about a lack of sexual experience

9 Dec

While talking with one of my guy friends recently, we’ll call him Fred. He shared with me his lack of sexual experience with woman, albeit his charming good looks, top notch education, sportsmanship, amongst an array of many attributes. He said how much this bothered him and felt that it was holding him back in a way from finding someone to date, commit to, and ultimately have sex with.

This obviously got my mind spinning in full effect.

I hear this type of stuff all the time. How people are insecure about this, that, and the other; things that, when it boils down to it, truly do not matter. Katt Williams has said during several of his stand-up acts about how men aren’t looking at your stretch marks or the color of your finger nail polish versus your toe nail polish. They are simply thrilled to be having sex with you, feeling your insides and outsides all over them, and that they wouldn’t wish to be anywhere but right there with you at that very moment. This same concept applies for woman as well.

Well Fred, I hope that other people will be able to benefit from the advice I gave you.

1. When you’ve found that right person to be with, to love (and be loved by) unconditionally, they really aren’t going to care how long you last. They won’t be laying there, eyes on the sealing, while you pound away for :39 seconds with a stop watch. They will be so stoked with the brief preview of pleasure that you’ve so kindly given them, which they will yearn for more.

2. Do you really want to be with someone who’s going to judge you that way anyway? The shallow, surface-level fucktard who won’t matter in a few days’ time anyway? Sure, your ego will be hurting for a little while, but in the end it’s their loss and your gain.

3. The person you’re fortunate enough to have landed in the first place, may be just as inexperienced as you are, therefore feeling the same type of insecurity. The first priority here is that they want to be with you. The second priority is that they want to be with you. Yes, I repeated myself. Together, the two of you can develop your sexual style or your own “dance” as one of my psychology professors once said. You can learn together. Create and build your inner most burning sexual desires together. Together, together, together – as a unit!

4. Not only will this person be totally okay with your inexperience, even they have more than you, they will so mind blowingly happy that they are laying there in the company of the most perfect person in the entire world. The most perfect person for them and them only.

5. The instant comfort felt between you two will allow for you to be able to share your story behind your lack of experience. It’ll feel so natural to sit there doing whatever it is that you may be doing, telling this person a deep and dark secret that’s been sealed away in the deepest darkest corners of your mind. Once you’ve been able to take your guard down so effortlessly and share your story, you will more than likely feel very relieved. The pressure doesn’t exist inside of you anymore. It’s so sensually found its way out, pun intended.

My boyfriend Ben defines sex as a celebration. He says that “through another person one can express themselves in pleasure and exaltation (of our bodies during sex) and the happiness one feels in the virtue of another.” And he’s right.

Sex is a beautiful act of love — the ultimate act of love. When you’ve found the right person all of those insecurities you once felt will disappear in the wind as if they never existed.


3 Responses to “Top-Five: Reasons to not care about a lack of sexual experience”

  1. Britty Stardust December 9, 2009 at 3:50 am #

    Funny story. While attending a Halloween party… a girl there was telling one of her OTHER friends to not hit on her until he has had sex. The OTHER friend is a virgin and THIS girl would prefer him to go have A sexual experience rather than take this beautiful empty canvas and do with what she will.

    THIS girl also comes off as a COMPLETE slut [she also made inappropriate comments to certain someone’s significant other]… who’s vagina is probably so loose you can walk into. Lik ea hot dog down a hallway. It’s a shame because the OTHER friend GENUINELY liked her and didn’t want to just use her for her body.

    Unfortunately, that same night… ANOTHER FRIEND got really drunk and banged her instead. [She hasn’t spoken to the “ANOTHER” FRIEND nor will she accept his Facebook request.]

    I personally would prefer someone to have LESS sexual experience because at least you know they won’t have a disease nor do they flaunt themselves. Plus, crazy girls [such as myself] tend to think and question past partners. It avoids such scenarios as that. STAY PURE!

    • benarcher December 9, 2009 at 4:36 am #

      I feel that way sometimes, too. Of course you can always just get tested lol.

  2. benarcher December 9, 2009 at 5:00 am #

    I actually wrote an entire paper on the meaning of sex. Maybe I’ll post it on my blog.

    And I agree with your points completely – exploration is one of the funnest parts about it.

    But in my personal view, the challenge many men face during sex is not how long they’ve studied the karma sutra (sp?), but how much they’re willing to transcend the same old kiss, lick, pump, shoot routine and instead, truly ravish their women, savagely, lovingly, with no inhibition – not with some deviant rape fantasy in mind, but feeling nothing but the passion of love. And this has nothing to do with sexual experience really. It’s more about recognizing your darkest desires to truly love a woman with everything you’ve got, and when you do she’ll be able to trust you, and surrender (and the sex will be amazing).

    As far as the “pressure” goes – a lot of guys make the mistake of letting their (inevitable) attraction to the feminine go to one of two places: their head or their genitals (lol). The original purpose of sexual desire is obviously creation, but women inspire much more than that – art, social, spiritual creativity. Most men, however, don’t know how to cultivate it and so they spurt it out, then go looking for more inspiration.

    The desire you feel, that inspiration, is a gift – instead of allowing it to automatically cause fantasy in your head or lust in your loins, allow that energy to circulate through you, energize you, the way music would, the beauty of the outdoors, or a nice beer.

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