My ‘Twilight’ Experience.

9 Dec

Originally written on November 29, 2009.

I came across a brilliant 3 part article on The Washington Post’s website about literary women, their love for the Twilight saga, and their complete and utter lack of shame for falling so hard for a silly tween love story.

Finding the initial piece led to another article about the healing powers of Twilight and it put me at ease, or at even more ease I should say.


When I first heard of this whole Twilight thing, it was during the holiday season last year and I was working a crappy mall job to pass time between semesters. People would come into the story raving about the movie, wearing the t-shirts and hoodies, and promising me how great it was. Initially I was very much against this whole vampire business, having had no interest in them prior, and swore up and down, to Jupiter and back that I would never Benedict Arnold my love and devotion to Harry Potter.

Then came the nonstop advertisements on OnDemand during the early spring time of this year. I kept ignoring them and praying they would stop showing me this stupid crap.

When a sudden and unexpected dry spell hit me, having no more new or old movies to watch, I caved in and decided to let myself find out just exactly what all the craze was about. So I picked up a copy of the movie and within 20 minutes, I was completely hooked. It was like I had been injected by an unwanted course of emotions and it wasn’t going to stop.

I remember having to pause the movie half way through because I had an appointment with my massage therapist and I desperately needed to see her. The whole way there and the whole way home…and even during the session, all I could think about were these intense emotions, which only added to my already natural high-octane level of emotions (it’s a Scorpio thing). Anticipation flowed through my veins at lightning speed. I had to get home to see the rest of the movie. I had to find out what happens.

Eventually I watched the movie multiple times during that period of time and found out that it was a 4-part series of books, much like Harry Potter. At the time, I had read 6 of the 7 Harry Potter books and didn’t have interest in reading anything else. I’ve always been more interested of academic standard or for whatever purpose they could serve other than allowing me to escape into some alternate state of mind. I didn’t see myself reading the series because I had a different, although not bad, experience with Harry Potter.

Fast forward to the end of July.

I was working at a local restaurant as a hostess (I’m usually a server, but they didn’t have an open positions open at the time), I had no internet at my house, very little money, a very old and worn out car, and it was definitely a time of much philosophical debate and deliberation (inside of my head). Depression to some degree had touched me unexpectedly.

I just kept wondering why do I never have any success with men when everything else in my life (except for financial stability) was in order? I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I knew that I had great friends. I knew that I loved living in Arizona and thoroughly appreciated the natural beauty that it gave me so willingly.

The idea of Mr. Right, the man of my dreams, was so clear in my mind — yet he had no face, no name, no place of origin. I remember adding the Twilight soundtrack to my iPod and I listened to it on repeat, exploring other work by the artists on board. I’d come across these extremely poetic and touching songs that would literally put me into a trance.

I remember sitting in my living on the floor with my laptop on a make-shift desk, listening to “You Are Mine” by Mute Math and feeling myself literally fall into this trance-like state. I told myself if a song like this can exist and a story like the one I saw in Twilight (movie) than I’m not crazy for wanting to find someone who I can feel the same way as the song and movie portrayed.

At the end of July, after having seen the latest installment in the Harry Potter movie franchise, I decided to finally finish reading the series. I was about 1/4 way into the book (during or a little past the wedding scene) and I kept thinking about Twilight, about what happens next. I simply needed to know.

I put my book marker (a picture of myself and my parents on my first day of kindergarden) in between page 164 and 165, closed the book, and drove over to Borders. I told myself that I’m going to pick up New Moon, read a few pages and see what happens. The curiosity was literally boiling inside of me like water inside of a teapot.

I walk in through the double brown doors, feeling instant relief from the intensity of the sun, and strolled over to the section where these four magical books were shelved. The red and white flower with the tear-shaped blood dripping off of it stared up at me like it knew something I didn’t. It knew what happened next and I was impatiently dying to be in the know.

Within a few minutes I was hooked.

Being fresh out of Border’s coupons, I decide to head to Walmart and buy it there. More like race there, I should say. Before I knew it I was completely engulfed in this story; feeling all of the emotions inside and out, almost living inside of them, feeling so completely detached from reality.

I spent the next two weeks under complete hypnosis. When the end of one book was near, I winced at the thought having to wait during the short drive to Walmart to pick up the next book. While at work I’d chat with other girls who’d read the series. I’d Twitter whenever something unexpected happened. I’d stay up late and sometimes forget what time it was and end up having to rush to work. I was obsessed.

“How in the hell could I have possibly gotten so emotionally involved with four books?” I thought to myself. “What am I going to do when there isn’t anymore story left to read?”

By the time I was done reading New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn I felt like I was a new person. The cloud of depression had lifted allowing the sunshine of a new reality shine down on me. I was sparkling just like Edward, on the inside of course. The philosophical debate within seemed to make perfect sense. I knew that I was different. Patience had finally set in, knowing I was going to be just fine with waiting (if I can even call it that) for the man of my dreams to step out of the shadows into the light for me to see, to feel, to have all to myself. I was healed.

Within a few short weeks, after reading Twilight and Midnight Sun (the unfinished book in the series, from Edward’s point of view), I traveled home to New Jersey feeling like a brand new Lauren. I was happy, alive, and feeling very excited for another semester that was starting soon.

In early September, I was unfortunately stung by a scorpion.

A guy I went to high school with, though only saw in passing through the crowded hallways, was there for me. We were chatting online, just like we had done for the past few weeks, getting to know each other, joking around.

“Fuck my life, I think I was just stung by a scorpion.” I single-handedly typed to him. “No joke.”

“What the fuck?! Wash it. Soap and water.” he said to me, panic in his words.

He was there for me, walked me through the procedure of caring for a scorpion sting. A day or two later, I invited him to visit me in Arizona. Over the course of the next week, the reality of my feelings for him had set in. He was probably the last guy I’d ever expected to fall for; meaning that I never knew him beyond the walls of our high school hallways. The blonde haired boy with the beautiful brown eyes was only that — another face in passing.

During the weeks leading up the sting, I found myself wondering where he was when we weren’t chatting online. I didn’t want to seem like a weirdo and send him a message on Facebook chat knowing that he was currently idle. I waited patiently and sometimes impatiently for him to return so that we could have another fun-filled conversation.

“What in the hell was happening to me….again?” I asked myself, confused by the unexpectedness of these emotions.

Within a week of that fateful night, Ben arrived here in Arizona and it’s been magic ever since. I had my very own version of Edward Cullen, except mine was even better — no he’s a million-fold times better.

Can anyone possibly deny me of the right to say that the Twilight Saga has healing powers? No, definitely not.

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One Response to “My ‘Twilight’ Experience.”

  1. benarcher December 11, 2009 at 4:49 am #

    You are too kind, my love

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